Egg-sucking 101 for Dummies

1. Mindfully keep the egg a safe distance away from your teeth. It is easier than one might imagine to reflexively close one’s jaws together on the egg and break its shell.

2. Hold the egg between your thumb and forefinger, firmly enough to maintain a secure grip on it, but not tightly enough to break the shell.

3. There’s no shame in hard-boiling the egg before sucking it, making it a “safe egg” (No runny yolk mess if you do break the shell). Even professional egg-suckers use “safe eggs,” acknowledging that nobody is perfect, and even a professional might not be in top form during one particular session, and might end up breaking the shell. HOWEVER: Be sure to WAIT until the egg COOLS after boiling it, to avoid getting a bad burn on your lips or tongue, which are your body’s built-in sucking equipment!

4. Beginners should start with sucking the small end of the egg. When you have mastered the skill enough to hold the egg solely in your lips (“Look ma, no hands” so2speak), ONLY THEN will you have proven yourself worthy to start with the big end of the egg.

5. Know your eggs:

• U.S. Grade AA eggs have whites that are thick and firm; yolks that are high, round, and practically free from defects; and clean, unbroken shells. Grade AA and Grade A eggs are best for frying and poaching where appearance is important.
• U.S. Grade A eggs have characteristics of Grade AA eggs except that the whites are “reasonably” firm. This is the quality most often sold in stores.
• U.S. Grade B eggs have whites that may be thinner and yolks that may be wider and flatter than eggs of higher grades. The shells must be unbroken, but may show slight stains. This quality is seldom found in retail stores because they are usually used to make liquid, frozen, and dried egg products, as well as other egg-containing products (Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/ )

As a beginner, you need to master using U.S Grade AA eggs first.

6. If you are eager to begin mastering the “egg and flow” trick (using the strength and dexterity of your lips to slide the egg slightly deeper into your mouth and then back out again, repeatedly), your ambition is commendable. HOWEVER: Start SLOWLY at first, and then GRADUALLY increase your speed. It takes time and patience to master this.

7. Always have numerous quantities of eggs at your disposal (the more the merrier), especially if you are a beginner.

8. Always keep your eggs refrigerated.

9. Have a daily scheduled time to practice your egg-sucking, and stick to it.

10. Have fun

i can has LSDburger? :)

pervasive developmental poem, not otherwise specified

in the epsilon quindrant

my lip, my lace, my meals with Magoo

a maggot in the machine

a swim in the magma with a major muggle

my shape, the shape of a magic demagogue

my mugs, my chin’s shaving cuts

my given gifts, my cow, and my government mocked

my maker, my cane, my call to the world

my cave, my cup of Coca-Cola in my cage

Muffy the Muffled Muffin-Mover is moved by our kiss

he pours ample amounts of maple syrup on the amber bums of Asians

no one has ever mapped your moves

my bare back is yours

take me while I’m dizzy in the darkest mist

missiles and messages pass us by, in the background masked by love

Mother Methane rants, her moods and methods never change

a rider who always takes the same redeeming roads

rename the runner across her Range Ranch

across the Armenian ramp

across the open distances between landmarks and points

reroute power from the deflector shield

in the epsilon quindrant