Jon Pear (a.k.a. NeuroAster)

THE GREAT PLAGUE

In my world on April 20, 2009 at 9:07 am

Our apartment is now thoroughly infested with emoticons. Hundreds of emoticons are zooming across our floors, bouncing off the walls, tying shoelaces and USB-cables together in sailor’s knots, playfully tunneling around in the flour and sugar, bungee-jumping off the ceiling-fan with elastic-bands, and generally wreaking havoc, spreading gross germs and bad memes everywhere. An exterminator is on his way here as I type this text.

These emoticons are such devilish little monsters, they’ve even discovered that it’s fun to use our DVDs as their own personal giant Frisbees. Some of the emoticons are even entertaining the others by skillfully juggling our vitamin-supplements.

But that’s not even the worst of it: Emoticons are so resilient that vacuuming them with a vacuum-cleaner has no effect other than giving them an exciting thrill, not unlike an amusement-park ride, and then they all jump out again, scattering dust far and wide.

We did kinda sorta bring this upon ourselves, actually. Not many people know this, but emoticons generally survive by eating the undeleted e-mails that accumulate (if unchecked) in the Spam folders of e-mail accounts. Also, the undeleted applets and javascript-cookies that can accumulate (if unchecked) in the cache of any given web-browser application are very nourishing and revitalizing food for emoticons, really helping them thrive, grow, and breed vast multitudes of offspring. This is why it’s a good idea to periodically clean out all the folders in one’s e-mail account, and frequently cleanse the cache of one’s web-browser.

So a word to the wise: SAVE YOURSELVES ! ! ! DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU, because you SO do NOT want a home full of emoticons, trust me.

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  1. reminds me of all the smiley faces in last night’s “Simpsons”

  2. Wondered where all the dust was coming from after I vacuumed….

  3. Really? Darn, missed that episode, maybe it’s on YouTube?

  4. Oh yes, emoticons are the worst for spreading dust; the particles just bounce right off them. They even have a symbiotic relationship with dust-mites. Emoticons move fast and cover distances at speeds that dust-mites can’t by themselves. Dust-mites ride around on emoticons, using them as a kind of rapid-transportation. Emoticons don’t mind one bit (or byte, for that matter).

  5. @ http://www.myspace.com/manydimensions1 You laugh now, but wait ’til it happens2you LOL 😀

    (((((HUGS)))))

  6. Fantastic blogpost, did not thought reading this would be so interesting when I klicked at the url.

  7. Yeah, more URL’s need2look more interesting, that’s4sure 🙂 #Good2see you, http://x.vu/Gedestasy and meta-thanx 4coming2 visit my blog 🙂 Visitors are always much appreciated #smilesandhugs

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