Jon Pear (a.k.a. NeuroAster)

Archive for the ‘schmategory’ Category

i can has LSDburger? :)

In schmategory on November 23, 2009 at 12:18 am


In schmategory on September 30, 2009 at 5:02 pm

Talk to your doctor first, before you take the pills we’re trying to sell

Discontinue use if your kidneys twirl or explode

Talk to your doctor first, explore your options, then decide how you feel

Discontinue use if a whirlpool forms in your blood

Discontinue use if your bones begin to dissolve

Discontinue use if your lungs pop

Discontinue use if you find yourself in the grave

Discontinue use if your teeth droop

Talk to your doctor, but we’re hoping that survivors become live, healthy consumers

What if we fail to make this product shine? Its market-value will fall

How do you advertise a product when you legally must list each of its dangers?

Talk to your doctor first, before you take the pills we’re trying to sell

My to-do list for2day:

In schmategory on July 23, 2009 at 9:21 pm

1) Kill and flay the Nemean lion

2) Destroy the Lernaean hydra

3) Capture the Arcadian stag

4) Capture the boar of Erymanthus

5) Clean the stables of King Augeas

6) Kill the carnivorous birds near lake Stymphalis

7) Capture the bull that is ravaging Crete

8.) Capture the man-eating mares of Diomedes of Thrace

9) Steal the girdle of Hippolyte, Queen of the Amazon

10) Capture the carnivorous oxen of Geryon the Three-Bodied Monster

11) Take golden apples from Hesperides’ garden

12) Capture and housebreak Cerberus the Three-Headed Guard-Dog of Hades

Horoscope :)

In schmategory on May 18, 2009 at 10:40 pm

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You will be abducted by aliens. But hey, at least they’ll let you use their phone so you can notify your friends and loved ones on Earth, and they’ll even let you order a pizza. How sweet is that?

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You will have an out-of-body experience. You might wanna stay home today, because it is kinda sorta embarrassing to suddenly drop dead in public.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

The spirits of your deceased ancestors will be in touch with you. They demand to know why you never visit their graves anymore. Yeah they ARE kinda sorta pissed off, just so you know.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

The limited warrantee on your voodoo doll has probably expired. Now would be a good time to get a new voodoo doll from your local witch-doctor.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

There will be a significant change in your psychic aura. PAV-NOS (Psychic Aura Variance – Not Otherwise Specified). Viagra can sometimes help to correct this condition (or at least it’s been clinically proven to have the desired effect on laboratory rats), but you might wanna consult a legitimately qualified physician first, before you go and try anything reckless.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Pay especially close attention to your bowls of alphabet soup during this particular lunar cycle, because they really are trying to tell you something.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your guardian angel is gonna call in sick today. Truth is, he just wants the day off so he can chug a few beers with the guys and hang out or whatever. Want me to go kick his ass for ya?

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Feed your pet unicorn more pixie dust. That stuff is loaded with energy, very affordable, and it’s not as if it’s fattening, y’know.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Start practicing those shape-shifting abilities again, because they may come in handy during this particular lunar cycle.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Load up on crosses, garlic, and silver bullets. Be on the lookout for vampires.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Do some rain dances during this particular lunar cycle. Your garden will thank you.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Y’know, it really couldn’t hurt to try putting some more eye-of-newt and tongue-of-dog in that cauldron of firey demons you’ve got brewing in your basement. Just a thought.

above the ultragogue

In schmategory on April 6, 2009 at 2:26 am

Some of us experience Feeling X, even if you yourselves do not

Some of us experience Feeling X, even if you cannot relate

Someone paid attention, but no one shared the pain inside

World of dudes and honeys, you make the spirit’s journey hard

Please feel free to stare; it’s only natural to stare

Please don’t panic; I am not an entity to fear

Let me fail to answer your stupid questions in peace

I am not your servant, and you were never my boss

Draw your own conclusions, make your decisions, and keep your distance

No one’s gonna stop you; no one approves or condemns your choices

Certainly not the bites of food I chew and swallow, or the breaths of air I take

Whether or not I co-exist is immaterial, or so I’d like to think

Whether you’re having a good or bad day, I hardly give a shxt

Some of us experience Feeling X, even if you yourselves do not

a piss on you

In alpha, my world, schmategory on March 22, 2009 at 1:35 pm

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

After years of blame and pressure

After years of self-denial

Anger cracks my tooth-enamel

Call this posted text “depressing”

Why the fxxk are YOU complaining?

Every day, the world is colder

Every person’s just a soldier

Now, I fear I can’t recover

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

just an update

In schmategory on December 26, 2008 at 11:33 pm

Those of you who ask, please know that yes, I am okay

Tolerating life’s butt-end by living day to day

Living in a iron-fist-minded world of gain and loss

Sharing with my spouse true love, surviving every curse

Silence is not necessarily a red alert

Sanity’s down-time is healthy in a world of clout

Difficult events take place; we slowly find our way

Those of you who ask, please know that yes, I am okay


In schmategory on November 17, 2008 at 8:36 am

Lift the world’s weight, drag it away, and thrust it over the edge

You do not need pressure from snobs who make assumptions and judge

Monday’s warm, soft quicksand of bed has tried to swallow you whole

Loud alarm clock blared, and you struggled up and answered its call

Take a few bites; brush your teeth and shower; get dressed

Rush and get stuck deep in morning traffic’s long wait

This routine keeps minds distracted, keeps our souls dead

Deaf-and-blind, pale zombies march to serve a numb god

Dare to leave the dirge of the forsaken

Sneak away; remember to be human

Dare to question everybody’s answer

Dare to probe the failure to discover

Dare to learn the secrets forgotten by strangers, friends and enemies

Dare to teach the secrets that everyone else has found mysterious

Dare to journey forth on a path that is barely even legible

Dare to journey forth on your own, and be barely even tangible

Someone is on the planet Earth loving you now, obscured by the a distance none can cross

Suicide is the only real failure, and inner-peace is the only real success

Tenderness and perspective keep life in the light, the ideobalm that cleanses fear

Touch me with a reminder, reach deep as you dare, and handle the cryptic self in here

Dare to reach deep into the murky septic-tank of the heart

Dare to find thick burdens of solid lead that  sicken and hurt

Take the red pill; dare to begin the ontological search

Lift the world’s weight, drag it away, and thrust it over the edge

this poem is a kick in the 66

In schmategory on October 14, 2008 at 6:30 am

Stare for a moment, shrug, ignore, and forget

Purchase your fries and burgers; rest and exist

Follow the Monday-morning oozing routine

Cog in the big machine of agony’s groan

Sacred rubies-of-information fall in the ideodumpster of boredom

Briefly stare at a text, and then ignore and forget it; conform in a system

Macaroni and cheese is on a plate on a table with pencil and paper

There are people who know and care that I’m a survivor who tries to recover

Any voice in any wilderness can become another’s voice

Life’s quintessential moments dissolve a sense of dark loss

Set in the west, and take a deep breath before you go to your grave

Breathe deep; an open window has always been a real salve

Love the air, each and every molecule

All the sane minds are closed and cynical

I’m a text-whore for all the literate

Read me now; tell me I’m articulate

All that is left is some posterity’s hope

Go and believe that urgent-vision is hype

Follow the script that broken-spirits accept

Stare for a moment, shrug, ignore, and forget

soul’s autumn

In schmategory on September 28, 2008 at 7:52 pm

Cloudy and overcast, with browning and oranging leaves

Wearing a jacket, in the chill of the Winnipeg breeze

Walking and breathing, on a day when the summer has died

Knowing that snowflakes from the sky shall arrive and descend

Stars, raindrops, leaves, and snowflakes fall

Time’s Chronojectile passes all

Autumn is coolness of perspective, serenity, peace

Cloudy and overcast, with browning and oranging leaves


In schmategory on September 14, 2008 at 11:58 pm

Let a lost soul fail to make a circle of squares

Let a lost soul fail to share humanity’s cares

Better to see the sun, than to see a window filter the sun

Look in the mirror; see what you want; believe that everything’s fine

Distant, faint, raspy, husky, whispering resonant silence

Mute against frantic, loud municipal sirens and motors

Life in a world addicted to correct events at correctly scheduled moments

Traffic itself is gridlock, when the gods are punctual, cold, precise, and tireless

Wet slime, the quivering, tender warmth has turned to wet slime

Big, fat, colossal, immense ideals have been a nice dream

Get lost; your mortgage is now foreclosed; have a nice life

Get lost, and swim in a vat of thick, acidic skunk-barf

Now an angel-wing-feather floats in the mesosphere

Every eye reads alphanumeric semaphore

Voluntary motor functions feel like a twisted choreography

Everybody keeps their distance now, and it saves you time and energy

Let a lost soul fail to hide our pimples and fat

Let a lost soul fail to share our love and our hate

Let a lost soul fail to share our fears and desires

Let a lost soul fail to make a circle of squares


In schmategory on August 25, 2008 at 1:20 am

Leave the soul’s wrists in legislation’s handcuffs

Leave the blamed-victim’s life as a blood-on-canvas

Ask the wrong questions; hate all the answers

Leave the soul’s wrists in legislation’s handcuffs

Proud shame oozes down the septic tank of the heart

We sick humans live devoid of tigers to hunt

Cain killed Abel, and Dorothy killed the Wicked Witch of the West

Gulp down gallons of blood; eat the nailed body of Christ

Let there be failures to communicate; who could care less?

Punish the innocent forever, and leave a huge mess

Oh, to sink my teeth into the eyeballs of the Ku Klux Klan

Pouring salt and bleach into their sockets, and be sick, wild, mean

Homework has made me a vegetable

Pressure has made me an animal

I am a Winnipeg citizen

Taking your dextroamphetamine

Go away if my presence on the planet makes you faint or scream

Hated more than melanin in the skin and semen up the bum

Eggs that you fry in the morning are like your brain on drugs

Pharmacommodities fxxk with your scrambled maze of thoughts

Open my skull and shave my brain without making difficult choices

Enemies, friends, and strangers do the same harm with different intentions

Ask the wrong questions; hate all the answers

Leave the soul’s wrists in legislation’s handcuffs

Groggy and half-awake on a Monday morning

In schmategory on July 28, 2008 at 2:42 pm

Once upon a duration of chronological time

Monday mornings were tangible, ripe salvation from shame

Interpersonal dialogue bubbled under the sun

Now we live in an age when the Eaton’s Building is gone

Queen Street died in the birth of Portage Avenue

Fast change happens, and life becomes a vertigo

Real truth never conforms to any weltanschauung

No one paradigm ever covers everything

Bite the fruit of a tree; enjoy a full meal

Break the ovary wall, and let the seeds fall

Stand where others have stood before your own birth

Stand where others may stand beyond your own death

Leaves and snowflakes fall, as the dollar-bills and coins enter and leave our wallets

These are days when elders are left in homes, and some citizens vote on ballots

Early, late, and punctual people rise and rush into the morning traffic

Early, late, and punctual people rise and rush into the morning panic

Ghost of Timothy Eaton, avenge the landmark we tore

Haunt the “Centre” we built, and create a horrible scare

We were innocent once, and we had the freedom to dream

Once upon a duration of chronological time

Roses and violets lynch the moon

In schmategory on June 3, 2008 at 9:18 am

Radioactive, toxic, volatile, flammable, explosive

Powerful witchcraft lurks around us, potentially destructive

Just when you thought the world was safe for a casual existence

Seeds of apocalyptic nightmares contaminate the surface

How do you blossom when the whole globe is hand-made, plan-based?

Live a synthetically contrived life on slick, pale, dead land

Locked in containment-fields where tensions and grudges are abrasive

Radioactive, toxic, volatile, flammable, explosive

I’m in a good mood today :)

In schmategory on May 28, 2008 at 6:24 pm

Colors and shapes of oranges and grapes

Dream of a rainbow, dream of an eclipse

Bitters and sweets are melting in your mouth

Gaze at a bold aurora in the north

Junction of the Red and Assiniboine Rivers

Canopy of stars over snuggles and kisses

Open your voice in melody and praise

Open your eyes; delight in the displays

Colors and shapes of oranges and grapes

Red is the color of love and revolution

In schmategory on April 11, 2008 at 2:53 pm

Take the red pill

Answer truth’s call

Rise and wake up

Leave the dream-trap

Shout the real news

Tackle hate’s lies

Make machines fall

Take the red pill


In schmategory on April 10, 2008 at 7:08 am

You, the people who hate having to think

Just continue to live life by a book

Never paradigm-shift forward at all

Human-nature is just stubbornly real

Just enjoy your cozy failures to prevent preventable events

Judge and curse proactive-people for their flustered failures to be nice

Fxxk the air with your shxt, fuming with stink

You, the people who hate having to think

Nobody panic, I’m okay

In schmategory on April 9, 2008 at 2:30 pm

Loved by some, hated by others

Living life, knowing what matters

Walking through parks in the sunshine

Keeping this body in motion

I forgot to comb my hair today, and a few scared people stared

Wrote this text in pencil, tried to make it a neat, non-boring read

We are all people with futures

Loved by some, hated by others

This poem is a STRANGE behavior symptom

In schmategory on April 6, 2008 at 9:07 pm

Red roses and blue violets never reach the stars

Red roses and blue violets never cough or sneeze

Red roses and blue violets never read or write

Red roses and blue violets never fxxk or shxt

Red roses and blue violets never go to jail

Red roses and blue violets never frown or smile

Red roses and blue violets never share our cares

Red roses and blue violets never reach the stars

fake plastic poem

In schmategory on April 3, 2008 at 12:46 pm

then you had a scholar’s interest in each thought in my mind

then you had an angel’s compassion for each feeling in my heart

then you had a devil’s lust for each square-inch of my body

now you have an athlete’s eye for body-fat

now you have a diplomat’s ear for wrong things to say in public

now you have a health-inspector’s nose for dust-mites, hornets, and microbes

now you have a mechanic’s task-performing hands

now you have a drill-sergeant’s demanding mouth